Late 20's... wah wah

26…. About to be 27 and all I can seem to do these days is worry about that fact that I am approaching 30 and nowhere near where I thought I would be at this point in my life. I wanted a partner, stable job, considering homeownership, a dog, and a fabulous apartment that’s maybe been featured in a magazine or two. But then as the barista who served me my coffee said, “Surest way to make God laugh is to tell God your plans.” 

And lets face it what are my plans or anyone else’s plans typically; it’s a list of material or tangible benchmarks were we compare ourselves to the people around us. So and so has the perfect house, perfect partner, perfect pet, perfect life! I want that, I need that to be happy. No I don’t and when I take a moment to think about it I can be happy with the point in life I’m at. I may not be were I thought I would be, but I don’t have it bad by any means. I live in an amazing city that still holds an unknown numbers of adventures for me to have. I am continuously evolving in my relationships with new and old friends. I am apart of an amazing Christian community that supports me in more ways than one and I have decades ahead of me to enjoy life. I just have to remember that I need to appreciate what’s around me now rather then what I want around me in the future. My timeline and God’s timeline can be two completely different things. As JC once taught:

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For it is the Gentiles who strive for al these things. But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.                                     

~Matthew 6:25-34

Personally, I believe ‘striving first for the kingdom of God’ entails not a list of things you should and shouldn’t do but rather living life that honestly engages the community around you. How we do that seems to be different for different people, but I believe that being honest is caring for people, not caring what they think. I believe that being honest is allowing yourself to be vulnerable and admitting that you don’t have all the answers right now, but willing to explore, change and grow with the people that are around you. We’re all on this journey called life and support comes from people and places when we allow ourselves to be open to the reality that life is truly a mystery.   

September 22, 2006

Dear World,

This is an email I received from my father entitled "Open Letter to GCA" 4 and a half years ago. It has had a profound effect on my view of the world as well as helped to mold my reaction to the inevitable clash between Christianity and homosexuality..... As many people who will potentially read this blog know, it's not an easy experience to endure, but I have come out on the other side with perspective that challenges me on a daily basis to "love people for who they are and where they're at..."

For now, I'll let my father's email speak for itself, and I will elaborate in my next post on the context, history, and reaction that led me to start this blog today, Feb. 9th 2011!

Peace!
Gay Christian Activist... ;)

GCA,

Enjoyed our visit yesterday. It was good to see you and I appreciate your courage in being willing to meet with me.

In reference to your choice to be gay, I have some ongoing concerns especially since you are determined to enter church work. I know I must say something.

My biggest concern is that you see but don't recognize what is going on. Your grandfather doesn't know and would disapprove. Your grandmother disapproves and your mother disapproves. You already know where I stand. I think there is a commandment you may have learned that talks about honoring parents. So it appears you are not listening or you are in a state of rebellion or both.

Yes, as I told you, I feel like Job. I am angry at God for letting satan mess with my marriage and my son and my life. In the end the Lord didn't let Job down and that is the good news. Job gets another family, more friends, work he enjoys and more children. Don't worry about me, my future is fine.

To begin with, I will assume you believe that history repeats itself. I belief history repeats it self over and over again. The Bible says that there is nothing new under the sun.

The church has a mission of proclaiming Christ and dying to ones own selfishness. We are to take up our cross and follow Jesus. I attached last Sunday's sermon on this topic and the document why the gay movement has won.  Dietrich Bonheoffer's book "Cost of Discipleship" talks of a Christians death to selfishness. I know you plan to study him in school this year. There is no room for any organizations personal agenda in the church, however, that has not stopped many organizations from trying. Dietrich Bonheoffer the Lutheran theologian lived during the time of Nazi Germany. Hitler was a great evil and he used the church to promote his own agenda. Hitler eventually killed Dietrich because he opposed the nazi agenda. It would seem that satan was winning.

For centuries countries used religion to promote their cause and the catholics and protestants fought each other for over 500 years. That has a lot to do why we as a country believe in the seperation of church and state. It protects the state and protects the church.

Just as history proves, I know religion can be used again by certain groups to promote their own cause and agenda's. The work of God is to proclaim Christ and take up our cross and die to selfishness (not wanting my own way or the way of a specific group or organization). The gay movement is just one more organization trying to use the church for its own ends. I have observed that there is nothing new under the sun. The gay movement is not the first nor the last organization to use and try to use the church to promote it's own agenda.

People feared the Nazi's and people fear the gay movement today. I think you call the fearful 'homophobic' and that is considered very derogatory. The Nazi's called them Jew's and undesirables especially if they did not believe whole heartily in their nazi agenda. The gay agenda is using the same tactics. I am told, that I must believe in and support the gay movement or I will be labeled. At present, the gay movement considers me ignorant, homophobic, anti-progress and out of step with the rest of society. I feel storm trooper tactics are being used on me and I am not allowed to disagree with the gay agenda for fear of being characterized negatively. Maybe in the future they will send me to a concentration camp. What a retirement plan. I know for certain that the nazi's were eventually defeated. Dietrich Bonhoeffer is still considered a hero of the faith today.

Thanks for keeping the dialogue open between us.

Love,

Dad

Some days it is not even worth chewing threw the restraints.
I have to learn to stop taking life so seriously, it is only temporary you know.

"Where, after all, do universal human rights begin? In small places, close to home - so close and so small that they cannot be seen on any map of the world. Yet they are the world of the individual person: the neighborhood he lives in; the school or college he attends; the factory, farm or office where he works. Such are the places where every man, woman and child seeks equal justice, equal opportunity, equal dignity without discrimination. Unless these rights have meaning there, they have little meaning anywhere. Without concerted citizen action to uphold them close to home, we shall look in vain for progress in the larger world." - Eleanor Roosevelt

The gay movement began at the top among the powerful, the intellectuals and the manipulative people of this world. Read "After the Ball - How America will conquer its fear and hatred of the Gays in the 90's" similar to Hitler's "Mein Kampf". You might enjoy reading both.

PS I copied this letter to several family members and pastors. Everyone is very concerned about you and pray for your healing.